Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I was playing around with another photo for this month's SPC theme, Upside Down, and came across this edit on Picnik. When I saw it I thought of how much it reminded me of how I've been feeling lately! All jumbled up, wonky, out of sorts, overwhelmed.....
I'm pretty sure that my main problem is that I've let sugar and a few carbs slip back into my diet - and I'm a bit in denial about it. I haven't been gaining weight......but gaining a bad mental state instead. Sugar does it to me every time. I had been sooooo good at avoiding it for over 6 months, losing weight, feeling incredibly good, had a better mental state than I'd had in years, had more energy, felt so strong and in control, and then - it happened. A little taste here, a little bite there, thinking all the while that I was "in control." No....I am never in control when I let sugar enter the equation.
Why did I let it get started again? Why did I lose my healthy motivation? Why did I take the first bite when everything was going so good? How did I let myself get so weak? Why is it so hard to just say no??? Those are the questions to ponder. However, when I look down into the soul of Me, I find that I did not lose my healthy motivation. It has just been on the side lines, feeling all dizzy and moody and blah from my all too frequent sugar overdoses, LOL! I know the holiday feasts aren't going to make things any easier, but as I think back to spring when I was right in the midst of my new healthy lifestyle, Easter dinner was a breeze and with my goal in sight, I gladly passed on the sweets and bread. That is the frame of mind I'm longing for right now. I know I have that same motivation still in me, I know I can do it, I have done it already!
Anyhoo...I'm not even sure what the point of this post is. I suppose it's to go through the rhythm of sorting my thoughts and feelings and typing them all into this blog, this little exposed piece of me, letter by letter, word by word, hoping that I'll have a huge light-bulb-moment again with everything making sense to me.
I know all the "pieces" are there, they are just temporarily jumbled up and tossed on their heads....just like the photo.
at 8:19 PM